I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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