I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
