I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
