the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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