You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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