woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
