I wish i was in the wii world.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Send help, water and tortillas.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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