Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
