she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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