I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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