is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
