Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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