we have pet lesbian snakes
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
