Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
