Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
