Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
