Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
