I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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