I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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