I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
a search helicopter?!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
