Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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