And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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