Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
