it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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