Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
