You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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