it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
