I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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