I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
