I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
