She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
