I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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