even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
