saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
