let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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