Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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