He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
