Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
