As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I look better un-naked...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
