Sry I called you an 8
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
