oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
