Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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