I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
