Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
