Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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