Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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