My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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