"it" just moved
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
