I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
