I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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