Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
