You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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