i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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