It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
